Some women have a sixth sense when an ex is about to circle back. Others are blindsided by the “hey stranger” text that shows up months (or years) later. But nearly every woman, at some point, has wondered: Why do men come back right when you move on?
The answers are messy. And often, not what you want to hear. I asked real men, and they told me everything (from the emotional to the ego-driven to the straight-up horny).
Check out the 90+ responses from men about why they really come back after a breakup or no contact:
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“Because you let them come back. They don’t try just with you… trust me.”
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“Just missing the sex.”
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“Better the devil you know.”
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“20’s I wondered what if, 30’s I don’t! I know my character, value, identity.”
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“No. It’s not always worth the headaches and internal heartaches that we don’t share with anyone.”
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“To see if they are still around.”
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“Sex.”
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“To try and get some of those old good feelings back.”
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“Our other options are worse.”
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“Want to hookup.”
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“It’s easier. Exes are low-hanging fruits.”
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“If the sex is too good, we can’t help it.”
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“We’re not over you.”
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“Just knowing if I could still hit.”
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“Sometimes you think about the great moments you had with a particular woman.”
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“Known quantity. Do not have to teach new tricks in the bedroom.”
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“Fire seggs.”
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“We realized we genuinely screwed up. We’re feeling lonely and desperate.”
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“I have never gone back to an ex. Golden rule… once it’s over, it’s permanent.”
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“Sex.”
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“Don’t always come back, but will if there’s still heart and a chance.”
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“The 🐱🔥.”
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“Loneliness.”
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“Because we love you. Stop pushing us good guys away.”
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“Missing that jam.”
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“To see if you still want us.”
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“We all don’t. For those that do, there are multiple reasons. Fear of being alone.”
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“Men don’t come back if you hurt us.”
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“What means coming back? For the girls I liked, I never stopped.”
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“Probably because it’s harder for men to find another partner.”
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“We want sex.”
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“It can be attraction, unresolved issues, love.”
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“Regret.”
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“Nostalgia.”
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“Must taste good.”
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“Only had one true love. Tried until she got re-engaged.”
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“Cause we are more loyal. Grass isn’t greener. 80% of divorces are started by women.”
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“Horny.”
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“He realized he made a mistake and wants to win her back.”
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“Because I can.”
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“We are horny. Sorry.”
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“Because they are bored, or need an ego boost.”
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“Drawn to connection, which there was.”
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“We remember the good more than the bad.”
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“Not always. But comfort in familiarity?”
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“Something you can’t get enough of that you can’t find elsewhere.”
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“Not met me or been spontaneous.”
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“Hooked like a drug.”
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“Really? Um, because you let it happen.”
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“Seeing if you’ll respond.”
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“If she is easily manipulated, it’s easier to go back than to find a new girl.”
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“I haven’t touched a woman in over 10 years, so it most definitely can’t be me.”
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“Define comeback? To have sex or be in a relationship? Not the same thing.”
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“Known territory, nostalgia, less effort than starting over.”
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“Always?! If it’s ‘always’ it’s because we miss that person. Or the p*ssy is that good.”
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“💦.”
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“Sex and loneliness.”
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“Men that do this don’t have boundaries set for that behavior.”
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“Most likely it’s easy.”
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“Just in my experience, but the women usually come back for financial security.”
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“Good sex. Period.”
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“It’s familiarity. The evil you know is better than the unknown.”
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“Because it’s easier than finding a new one.”
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“I wouldn’t.”
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“Because we want to see if you miss us too.”
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“Many reasons. I came back because I genuinely loved her and thought therapy could help.”
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“I don’t and never have. Some do it because it’s the easiest.”
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“Pussy. Better to get it than not.”
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“I haven’t been in a relationship, but guys want what they can’t have.”
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“Men are loyal creatures of habit that think we can fix anything.”
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“Fun is fun, but it’s not where you feel comfortable.”
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“Because we’re loyal to a fault.”
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“Only reason a guy would come back is lack of options.”
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“Because I can.”
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“Weakness, self-doubt.”
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“Need the lay.”
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“Pusieron.”
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“Because we realize how stupid we were and realize you were always the one.”
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“We’re dumb and always think the grass is greener.”
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“Not in men’s nature to give up.”
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“Come back to what?”
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“I have hope.”
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“Stupidity.” 🙄🤦♀️
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“Assuming this is to an ex. I think most men — it’s brutal out there.”
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“Queue up the ‘I’m so lonely’ song.”
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“Squats and air humpers. I mean hip thrusts, lol.”
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“Because we know you’ll let us.” 😎
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“Never.”
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“😂😂😂.”
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“Familiarity.”
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“Humility and self-doubt can be hard to distinguish.”
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“Sometimes you both had to grow separately, to come back and try again.”
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“I believe in my self-worth, values, and growth from experience.”
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“There’s always one that’s like our drug we can’t kick.”
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“Trauma bonding.”
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“Lack of self-respect; nice guy syndrome.”
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“I miss the sex.
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“Just checking in.”
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“Wanted to know if they were still around.”
So, Why Do Men Come Back?
Whether it’s after no contact, years later, or right when you’ve finally moved on, one thing is clear: men don’t always come back for the reason you think. Some return for closure. Some for comfort. Many for sex. And plenty just want to know if they still could.
The most common reasons men come back? Loneliness. Ego. Nostalgia. Familiarity. Unfinished business. And yes… sometimes love. But not always the kind that deserves a second chance.
If you’re searching “why do men come back after ghosting” or “why do guys come back months later,” here is a good way to determine if they are coming back for the right reasons:
If they say, “I miss you, I’ve been thinking about you…” these are emotions about THEM, no plan, no intention. If they come back FOR YOU, they will show accountability, make a plan, and consistency.
Does he just want sex?
Some men won’t say it outright, but their actions will reveal it. If you’re wondering “does he just want to hook up?” or “is he serious or just wants sex?”, my best piece of advice is simple: go slow. Pace creates clarity. It weeds out the impatient ones; the guys who were only there for one thing. Taking your time won’t scare away the right person. It’ll just reveal the wrong ones faster.
I hope this article provided some clarity. Ultimately, the real question is: what do you deserve? Your self-respect has to be stronger than your feelings. Set the boundary. Keep it. If he comes back just for sex, out of boredom, or to test your availability, that’s not love, that’s convenience. And you’re not a convenience. Someone who only wants a piece of you shouldn’t have any part of you.
Protect your peace. Trust your intuition. And never forget… your boundaries teach people how to treat you.
With love,
Stephanie
