Are you currently feeling stuck in a relationship that you once enjoyed being in? If the spark has died down and your conversation has become predictable, you are not alone. Thousands of couples experience periods where they know that their connection has become stagnant.
Learning how to revive a stagnant relationship doesn’t need grand gestures or to overhaul your relationship often; it’s those thoughtful, intentional, and consistent actions that breathe new life into your relationship.
In this guide, I will hold you by hand and show you five proven strategies that will reignite connection, restore intimacy, and revamp your relationship into renewed understanding and passion.
Let’s dive in. Also Read: Detox Your Marriage: 11 Ways To Boost Your Marriage.
5 Right Steps To Spice Up Your Marriage Revealed.
Restore Intimacy In Marriage: 6 Things No Note.
Identifying the Signs of a Stagnant Relationship:
Before we dive into how to revive a stagnant relationship, it’s important to recognize what relationship stagnation truly stands for. Though all relationships naturally change over time, stagnation goes beyond the natural familiarity and evolution that you built over time.
Approximately 25% of couples acknowledged having periods of stagnation that lasted for about 6 months. In these phases of your relationship, you will recognize that there’s a decrease in intimacy, there are predictable routines and a general sense that your relationship is on autopilot.
Your conversation will also become purely functional and mainly focused on logistics rather than connection. Date night will become an obligation to you rather than an opportunity to bond with your partner. Let me clarify that stagnation and distress mean different things in a relationship.
While distressed relationships are characterized by active conflicts or resentment, stagnation features more apathy and disconnection, which can be destructive in the long run. The good news is that relationship stagnation doesn’t mean that your relationship has ended; it is just a turning point for you and your partner to take proactive steps to build an even stronger bond.
Strategy #1: Reintroduce Novelty and Shared Experiences:
Brain science provided us with interesting insights about why our relationships feel stagnant over time. When we fall in love for the first time, our brains are flooded with dopamine and other neurochemicals that are responsible for creating excitement. As we get used to our partner’s presence, these chemicals will stop responding naturally again.
The solution to this is to introduce novelty. According to Dr. Arthur Aron, a famous researcher, “Couples who regularly engage in new and exciting activities together have significantly higher relationship satisfaction. The reason is that our brains respond to novel experiences with the same neurochemical present in the beginning stage of our relationships.
Novelty does not need extravagant gestures.
- Cook a cuisine you haven’t attempted before together.
- Take a dance class together, even if you both have two left feet.
- Start a two-person book club.
A friend of mine who married 17 years ago decided to learn how to play organ together. The shared vulnerability, physical challenge, etc created a unique dimension in their relationship that carried over into their daily interactions. Choose activities that take you and your partner slightly outside your comfort zone.
They will create opportunities for you to revive a stagnant relationship, as it fosters mutual support and discovery. These shared experiences will help you build new neural pathways and memories that require your brain’s association with your party to experience excitement once more.
Strategy #2: Revamp Communication Patterns To Revive A Stagnant Relationship:
If you find out that your relationship has become stagnant, you will notice that your communication has devolved into what the therapist calls “maintaining talk,” like discussions about schedules, chores, and other logistics that maintain the household and not the relationship. If the above describes your relationship, you are not alone.
Many couples fall into this communication rut without knowing it. We ask the same usual questions like (How was your day?) and get the same usual answer (everything went fine) and then continue in those predictable conversations that only scratched the surface of our relationship worlds.
To revive a stagnant relationship, you must transform your communication by beginning by asking better questions like “What made you laugh today?” Or what was something that challenged you? Instead of “How was your day?”
Another interesting technique you can use is the daily 15-minute check-in, where both of you will share your thoughts and feelings without feeling judged or interrupted. One of you speaks for 5 minutes, and the other listens attentively, and then you switch the roles.
Consider having “digital turn off” hours, where your digital gadgets are out away to create space for uninterrupted conversations. Research shows that even the presence of a tablet, laptop, or smartphone on a table is already a big distraction and will reduce the perceived quality and depth of our conversation. Remember to extend your communication beyond words, make eye contact, use physical touch, and learn to face each other when you speak.
Strategy #3: Rekindling Physical and Emotional Intimacy To Revive A Stagnant Relationship:
Intimacy in a healthy relationship thrives on many levels, including physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual levels. Any time your relationship becomes stagnant, intimacy has diminished or become narrow across these dimensions.
Physical intimacy goes beyond normal sexual connection. It entails physical touch, like holding hands, embracing each other, and sitting close to each other. All these release oxytocin, which is often called the “bonding hormone.” Many couples in long-term relationships stop engaging in these simple forms of physical affection, without knowing their impact on relationships.
Try to introduce a more casual touch into your daily interactions. It can be as simple as a hand on the shoulder as you pass the hallway, a 7-second hug when greeting each other, or just sitting close enough to touch while watching TV. These will not only rebuild your physical connection, but it’s one of the ways to revive a stagnant relationship.
Emotional intimacy thrives on vulnerability, and in a stagnant relationship, you may have stopped sharing your deeper thoughts, dreams, and fears, maybe because you assume your partner already knows everything about them.
Creating avenues for vulnerability can help you so much. Ask questions like “What do you feel most proud of in your life currently?” Or “What are you most afraid of right now. They will create opportunities for you to have a meaningful exchange. The key is to be patient and persistent because intimacy dies gradually and rebuilds gradually as well.
Your small consistent efforts to connect physically and emotionally will yield more encouraging outcomes than grand but isolated gestures.
Strategy #4: Establishing Individual Growth While Growing Together:
One misconception about long-term relationships is that they require both togetherness and separateness to work. When a relationship becomes stagnant, the couple normally experiences one of these two extremes: they either become too enmeshed and lose their individual identities, or they drift too far apart, which makes them parallel but disconnected lives.
If you have witnessed that in your relationship, then it’s time to start rekindling your personal interests and passions. Think of those activities that make you happy before a relationship and indulge in them.
What have you always wanted to learn, but never create space for them? Going after these interests will not only make you more fulfilled as a person but will give you new experiences and perspectives to bring back into your relationship.
However, I suggest you find a way to actively help your partner grow individually. This means that you should take on your household responsibilities so that your partner can attend a class.
That shows that you have a genuine interest in their personal projects or that you are encouraging them to maintain meaningful friendships that are outside their relationship. I know one couple who implemented what they called “Passion project time,”- which means spending three hours each week pursuing their individual interests without guilt.
The wife took painting classes while the man restored vintage motorcycles. By doing these, they did not only make their relationship more fulfilled but also had something fresh and exciting to share with each other.
Strategy #5: Creating New Relationship Rituals and Traditions That Will Help You Revive A Stagnant Relationship:
Anthropologists have long said that rituals are very important in human connections. Rituals are repeated intentional actions that have symbolic meaning, like creating structures, anticipation, and shared identity. Relationship Rituals are of different types.
Daily rituals can be something like morning check-in over a cup of coffee, a text exchange during the workday, or having an evening walk after dinner. Weekly rituals might include having a designated date night, watching your favorite shows together, or a Sunday meal preparation moment.
The most interesting rituals comprise meaningful presence and pleasure. It doesn’t have to be grand, just simple rituals that can be done consistently can do the magic. Check out what these couples said. “We created what is described as the “Thankful Thursday” ritual, where we share a special dinner, and each of us expresses three things we are grateful for about each other.
Another couple I know established a “first Friday” tradition where they plan a surprise date on the first Friday, turn by turn. Rituals work well when you are trying to revive a stagnant relationship by creating anchors of connection in the sometimes deranged flow of daily life.
Maintaining Momentum for Long-term Relationship Health: Ways To Revive A Stagnant Relationship:
To revive a stagnant relationship is not a one-time event but the beginning of a new process to revitalize your relationship. Once you have started to rebuild a connection, how do you maintain momentum? The first thing to do is to recognize that all relationship naturally goes through periods of greater and lesser connection.
The difference between the resilient relationship and others is that they recognize these cycles and respond proactively and not passively allowing distance to grow. Do regular check-ins to know how you are progressing. Some couples scheduled to have monthly “relationship status” conversations know what’s working well, what needs attention, and what each of them needs more or less of.
Prioritization is always essential for long-term relationship health. This simply means to continue protecting your time for connection no matter how life demands ebb and flow. Most importantly, reviving a stagnant relationship requires continuous curiosity about your partner, because people continue changing and growing throughout life.
Don’t think that you everything about your partner, as it can make you take them for granted. Keep showing your genuine interest in their changing thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and create space for continual rediscovery. Note that even the strongest relationships experience stagnation too, but it shouldn’t be left to pang.
Through these five steps to revive a stagnant relationship I shared here, you are good to go. However, the process requires intentionality, patience, and commitment from both of you. But the reward is that you will have a more fulfilling connection that keeps evolving over time.
